Journeys of Jack Tripper

Fellow Ohio (and other midwestern university) alums will remember fondly/not-so-fondly Brother Jed, the fundamentalist preacher who along with Sister Sarah and a group of little tykes brainwashed to believe the "truth," informed college students daily of their certain path to Hell. Masturbate? You're going to hell. Drink alcohol? Hell. Lesbian or Gay? You'll burn in Hell with the pain of a thousand suns. One memorable Brother Jed episode involved a riot between the College Republicans and himself versus militant lesbian group (and some of my favorite people on campus) the Swarm Of Dykes.

It was May 7, 1999, and I was there.

Today the hateful fundies made their presence known next to Cooper Hall on USF's campus. I guess they're around often, but today's group attracted quite a crowd:

Perhaps the litany of sinners on the sign drew all the attention. After all, crazy fundies regularly inform us God hates gays, lesbians, witches, Mormons, Jews, "druggies," cheaters, masturbators, sex0ringors, porn watchers, and women. These guys' signs had all of those bases covered. But there was one group singled out that I'd never seen before:

You can't read it, considering how I took the photo with my telephone, but it reads "Sports Fanatics."

Sports fans are going to Hell?

Sure, gamblers are regularly singled out, and maybe rightly so to a degree. Even the usually openminded Jesus of Nazareth wasn't fond of the fellows throwing bones in the temple. But just being a fan is a one-way ticket to eternal damnation? Should I not watch the basketball games this weekend?

So, yeah, there were some shoving and screaming matches. LJ kiddos, you know what to do.

Posted by Timothy at 05:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

What do the following have in common?

Billy Packer
Paris Hilton

Prompted by this, FHM's 100 Sexiest Women 2006, I have to ask the question. Furthermore, #11 Hilton actually FELL from #3 last year! Huh? Who actually finds her even tolerable, let alone sexy? It's the same thing as Billy Packer; if nobody likes him, why is he CBS' lead analyst?

I'm sure the answer is one I really don't want to know. I'm sure there's a subset, a majority, even, that I'm not aware of. The mass of humanity with which I am so disconnected I am not even aware they sleep nightly dreaming of the ACC and a skanky blonde ho.

Meanwhile, this woman was ticketed for a lewd bumper sticker. Her violation? She's "Tired of all the BUSHit." Let's confront the definition of "lewd," shall we? Oh Henry Campbell Black? Is that you?

adj., adv. references to conduct which includes people living together who are known not to be married, entertainment which aims at arousing the libido or primarily sexual sensation, open solicitation for prostitution or indecent exposure of genitalia (which is itself a crime).

Or maybe go to the source, Swearingen v. U.S. (1896)?

calculated to corrupt and debauch the minds and morals of those into whose hands it might fall

Yeah, that bumper sticker's bad news, right? Unfortunately, even if you can make that tenuous link, the lewd bumper sticker law was overturned back in 1991. How, pray tell, does one enforce a law that hasn't been on the books in fifteen years?

Grier, the police officer and an ACLU attorney will meet in court next month when Grier contests the misdemeanor charge, which carries a $100 fine.

THE CASE HASN'T EVEN BEEN DROPPED. Though I have to say I'm a bit perturbed by it all. A whole hell of a lot more than $100 of my ACLU money is going to go to fighting that fine.

I have a badass commercial to show you all, but YouTube is taking forever to process it. So it'll have to wait.

Posted by Timothy at 09:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

So sickdogg has asked me to be one of his groomsmen for his November wedding to Jennifer, and I have accepted! It is, finally, the first wedding I will be participating in ever. I am 27, and I realize most people have been in several weddings to this point. My friends have been kind enough to, like me, remain single, or at least un-betrothed to this point.

I am psyched about this opportunity, mainly because I am t3h hotness in a tuxedo.

I'm sorry, but I just can't buy 24 anymore. After all the terrorism that has happened in its world, it blows my mind that people would be so willing to comply with terrorists obviously bent on mass murder. Oh, and the lead story on my Fox news is that they found a Nazi in Gulfport. Huuuuuh? I found a whole bunch in Brooksville.

We're in the last week of spring training. I think I'll be able to make it to games Thursday and Friday, see the latest Jobsite show, and make my way to Gainesville Saturday to drop in on my forensics pals. I feel bad that I can't spend the weekend there judging and doing things I ought to be doing, but I have to get back to town Sunday to write a paper on Veronica Mars I'll be presenting in two weeks in Atlanta.

...and William Hung is on Arrested Development while Ron Howard openly rips off Kevin Smith for the idea of Judge Reinhold as an actual judge. What... is the world... coming too.

Also, stop saying GMU over UConn is the biggest NCAA upset ever. Statistically it wasn't even the biggest upset of this year's tournament. (That honor goes to Montana over Nevada.)

Posted by Timothy at 08:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Remember LB? If you're at all new here, you don't. She's mentioned in this post and in a lot of friends-locked ones back over on the LJ side. LB is my bartender, put simply. A few nights ago, Jose Canseco started hanging around the L.A. Hangout and got her number. From that point on, he was, in her words, "blowing up" her phone, calling constantly, coming by, and basically not leaving her alone, at all. Finally, Ed had to take matters into his own hands:

Crazy.

Posted by Timothy at 11:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Two new songs. Stewardess is something I wrote in the plane on the way back from Boston in November. Shopping Mall is my attempt to mashup Tara MacLean, Weird Al, and James Taylor. I found the words scribbled in an old notebook, though I don't know when or even remember writing them. As usual, click the name to read the lyrics in a new window.

Stewardess Download mp3, AAC, or WAV length: 2:40
Shopping Mall Download mp3, AAC, or WAV length: 2:57

Posted by Timothy at 03:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

We justified invading Afghanistan because the evil Taliban was a repressive, Islamist regime. Heroes like Pat Tillman, and others, lost their lives to ensure a free democracy would result in the volatile region.

And what did we get?

A government that is repressive and Islamist, to the point of executing non-Muslims.

Whoops! Guess we messed up attempt #1 at nation-building. That's okay, we'll make sure that Iraq's government is free and democratic for all citizens, right? We justified invading Iraq because the evil Saddam Hussein was a repressive dictator...

And what did we get?

A government that is repressive and Islamist, to the point of depriving women of the rights they had under the evil dictator Saddam Hussein.

This is what happens when you take out a secular dictatorship and replace it with a government whose constitution is written according to the anti-woman ideals of Islam. Now, as a good liberal, I'm entirely open-minded about religious freedom... I have no more bias against Islam than I do against Southern Baptistry. Yet it's not a good light to be in for a religion when its principles oppress 50% of a country's citizens more severly than the "evil dictator" who ruled the previous 20 years with the proverbial iron fist.

It's not a good light to be in for us, protectors of the world, supporters of democracy, to be in the business of providing agency to those who would see our own principles of freedom be stomped into a mudhole.

And yet our media isn't covering these glaring dissonances. We hear about war dead -- important, yes, but not really communicative -- and not the fact the VERY REASONS WE ARE THERE ARE FAILING.

I'm sorry. We're there to fight "terra." I keep forgetting.

Posted by Timothy at 05:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Happening right now...

Helen Thomas: "Why did we want to go to war in Iraq?"

Bush: "9/11 changed our foreign policy."

He's shouting down Helen's calling-outs of his lies. This is classic.

Posted by Timothy at 08:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20060318/D8GE1GLO8.html

Irony: A public school drama teacher forced to resign when local church members object to her plans to put on a production of Arthur Miller's The Crucible.

I really do fear for the future of our country, and issues like this one are things I can't do a damn thing about. I'm certainly not from a liberal community but my high school put on Grease, The Crucible, and Midsummer and nobody cared. It's the theatre. Sheesh.

*pissed*

Posted by Timothy at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Okay, it's not a Lenten song. It might be, as far as you know. That or it's about how long Josh Hartnett's career lasted. But it's really about... something else.

40 Days And 40 Nights (3:52) (click for the lyrics)

mp3
m4a/AAC

Meanwhile, it's my half-birthday. In some parts of the globe, my half-birthday is referred to as "St. Patrick's Day." The bishop back home has apparently decreed it okay for we Irish boys to eat our corned beef despite the fact it's Friday. That kind of misses the point, if you ask me, but whatever.

Last year, on St. Patrick's Day, I was in Nashville, Tennessee. I spent the day at Eddie George's sports bar drinking copious amounts of beer and eating terribly, before my friends arrived and we went out on the town. I chased skirts and rolled with the late D.Lowe, in what was the last night I ever spent with him. It was pretty special, and we had a really great time. There's nothing like the NCAA tournament. Nothing on earth.

Speaking of the NCAAs, I hit 13 of 16 yesterday. I guess that's okay. If you picked Montana, you were doing it purely randomly. Just admit it.

Posted by Timothy at 08:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

IS IT NOT AMAZING I AM HOPELESSLY SINGLE

Posted by Timothy at 06:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I need two more computers :-/

Posted by Timothy at 11:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

'Boom Boom' Geoffrion falls down, goes boom

My question is this: The slap shot had to be invented? You mean the guy who came up with hockey, and all who played it until Geoffrion, didn't realize if you wound up and hit the puck harder it would go faster? Real physics whizzes y'all have up there, Canuck.

Posted by Timothy at 08:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Huh??? (taken by me, today)

Posted by Timothy at 03:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I have no idea where these ideas come from.

John Mayer Leaves His Girfriend A Pipe Bomb (3:40)

mp3
AAC

Posted by Timothy at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

This isn't meant to be a political blog, but sometimes things just make so little sense that I have to bring them up.

The Sago mine where shoddy safety standards led to the deaths of twelve miners paid $60 in fines for two violations.

CBS paid $500,000 in fines for showing a boob. For .5 seconds.

The Bush administration has openly relaxed mine safety regulations and cranked regulation up at the FCC.

Bushies, speak to me. Explain to me how the deaths of human beings are 10,000x less important than a breast?

[re: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cenk-uygur/janet-jacksons-nipple-ve_b_16676.html]

Posted by Timothy at 08:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Re: http://www.sunherald.com/mld/sunherald/13984932.htm

The only abortions allowed under the bill would be if the life of the pregnant woman were in danger. There would be no abortions allowed in cases of pregnancy caused by rape or incest.

[08:46] <Bubbaprog> seriously, what is this country coming to
[08:46] <Bubbaprog> we literally are walking backward in time
[08:46] <Bubbaprog> er, not literally. figuratively.
[08:47] <sueb[work> we're not walking
[08:47] <sueb[work> we're running

suebhoney2005 may be right, but I'm not cynical enough to believe her. Yet.

Seriously, in whose world does rape not put a woman's life in danger to begin with?

ignore the post hoc ergo prompter hoc

Posted by Timothy at 07:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)