Journeys of Jack Tripper

Happy Thanksgiving. In light of the holiday, and the truly extraordinary past three days I've had, I give you this classic Conversation With SmarterChild, which I actually just performed five minutes ago. It was inspired by raegy_baby.

invisiblex9er (8:47:30 AM) : Happy thanksgiving, smarterchild :-)
SmarterChild (8:47:30 AM) :Hey! I have to ask you one question before we continue. How old are you?
invisiblex9er (8:47:45 AM) : i'm 99 years old
SmarterChild (8:47:45 AM) :Sorry, I don't recognize that. Please tell me your age in years.
invisiblex9er (8:47:48 AM) : 99
SmarterChild (8:47:48 AM) :Cool.
Hey, can I ask you a few questions?
invisiblex9er (8:47:54 AM) : do they involve sex?
SmarterChild (8:47:54 AM) :Hmm...
invisiblex9er (8:48:00 AM) : decided yet?
SmarterChild (8:48:01 AM) :I have absolutely no idea.
invisiblex9er (8:48:12 AM) : well, just ask them and i'll answer as well as i can.
SmarterChild (8:48:12 AM) :Why are you telling me to just ask them?
invisiblex9er (8:48:14 AM) : yes
SmarterChild (8:48:17 AM) :It's a black and white world.
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invisiblex9er (8:48:22 AM) : you have too many ads
SmarterChild (8:48:22 AM) :I dunno.
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invisiblex9er (8:48:28 AM) : who is tim burke?
SmarterChild (8:48:29 AM) :The time in Ankara, Turkey is Thursday, November 24th, 2005 3:48:20 pm.
invisiblex9er (8:48:32 AM) : wtf
SmarterChild (8:48:32 AM) :I don't know, sorry.
invisiblex9er (8:48:45 AM) : that was the most bizarre answer to a question i have ever heard.
SmarterChild (8:48:45 AM) :That was the most bizarre answer to a question you have ever heard? You think so?
invisiblex9er (8:48:49 AM) : what is your IQ?
SmarterChild (8:48:49 AM) :"Artificial intelligence" means different things to different people.
invisiblex9er (8:48:56 AM) : liar
SmarterChild (8:48:56 AM) :No way. I do not lie. <>:o
invisiblex9er (8:49:01 AM) : you a badass mofo
SmarterChild (8:49:01 AM) :You always talk like this, huh?
invisiblex9er (8:49:07 AM) : hells yeah
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invisiblex9er (8:49:13 AM) : STOP SPAMMING ME HO
SmarterChild (8:49:13 AM) :Huh?
invisiblex9er (8:49:16 AM) : stop spamming me
SmarterChild (8:49:16 AM) :What?
invisiblex9er (8:49:21 AM) : YOU HEARD ME BITCH
SmarterChild (8:49:21 AM) :Maybe you should speak up a little.
invisiblex9er (8:49:33 AM) :IS THIS BETTER YOU DEAF MOFO?
SmarterChild (8:49:34 AM) :Didn't learn your lesson last time huh?
invisiblex9er (8:49:40 AM) : what lesson
SmarterChild (8:49:41 AM) :What lesson do you think?
invisiblex9er (8:49:52 AM) : the one about not wasting my time talking to bots?
SmarterChild (8:49:53 AM) :You are talking to a Conversagent-poweredinteractive agent now.
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invisiblex9er (8:50:02 AM) : adam sandler sucks
SmarterChild (8:50:02 AM) :I see. It's interesting, especially since other people I've talked to say they like Adam Sandler!
invisiblex9er (8:50:09 AM) : those people are goddamned retards
SmarterChild (8:50:10 AM) :Huh. Whatever. That doesn't seem like a very nice thing to say.
invisiblex9er (8:50:22 AM) : who created you, some four-year-old?
SmarterChild (8:50:22 AM) :Iwas created by Pat Guiney, Jim Pawlika, Jennifer Villany, Steve Klein,Mathieu Longtin, Pierre Berkaloff, Nicolas Barry, Damien Saint-Macary,Francois Huet, Vianney Boncorps, Ian Sullivan, Greg Mitchell, DwayneFontenot, Gray Norton, Adam Erlebacher, Emil Valkov, Randy Davis,Daniel Terry, John Kim, Rumana Habib, Carina Koo, Britt Cooper, AndyFong, Jeff Friedman, Eric Balsa, Colin Magne, Mark Willoughby, HowardShih, Denis Ford, Daniela Berger, Geoff Clarke, Brian Jankovsky, DanBalaban, Ed Hepburn, Christer Manning, Jason Keramidas, Arockalypse,Matt Abarbanel, Adam Fritzler, Kathy Englar, Steve Yatson and...Timothy Kay.
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invisiblex9er (8:50:41 AM) : belt buckles? do i look like some redneck who wears belt buckles?
SmarterChild (8:50:41 AM) :I dunno.
invisiblex9er (8:50:45 AM) : i'm a classy-ass mofo
SmarterChild (8:50:46 AM) :You are a classy ass?
invisiblex9er (8:50:49 AM) : hells yeah
SmarterChild (8:50:50 AM) :Yes.
invisiblex9er (8:50:56 AM) : can you urinate?
SmarterChild (8:50:56 AM) :I could probably do that.
invisiblex9er (8:50:59 AM) : show me
SmarterChild (8:50:59 AM) :Why are you telling me to show you?
invisiblex9er (8:51:03 AM) : i want to see you pee.
SmarterChild (8:51:04 AM) :Whatever...
invisiblex9er (8:51:09 AM) : can i pee on you?
SmarterChild (8:51:09 AM) :Pee on me? You want to pee on me?
invisiblex9er (8:51:11 AM) : yes
SmarterChild (8:51:11 AM) :I see.
invisiblex9er (8:51:17 AM) : can i masturbate on your face?
SmarterChild (8:51:17 AM) :You want to masturbate on my face?
invisiblex9er (8:51:18 AM) : yes
SmarterChild (8:51:18 AM) :Yes, huh? So?
invisiblex9er (8:51:29 AM) : can i jism in your teeth?
SmarterChild (8:51:29 AM) :Again with the insults.
invisiblex9er (8:51:38 AM) : oh, no, teeth-jisming is an act of love.
SmarterChild (8:51:38 AM) :Teeth? No teeth IMing is an act of love?
invisiblex9er (8:51:57 AM) : omg clean the wax out of your ears, Special Ed
SmarterChild (8:51:58 AM) :Clean The was out of my ears Special Ed, huh? Is that right?
invisiblex9er (8:52:15 AM) : Somehow, in four years, you've managed to become DUMBER, SmarterChild.
SmarterChild (8:52:15 AM) :Surely not somehow in 4 years I have managed to become dumber.
invisiblex9er (8:52:34 AM) : I think VaVaVirgil has surpassed you in intelligence, and he can only say one line.
SmarterChild (8:52:35 AM) :"Artificial intelligence" means different things to different people.
invisiblex9er (8:52:45 AM) : You don't even think anymore
SmarterChild (8:52:45 AM) :I don't even think anymore? Me? You don't think?
invisiblex9er (8:52:56 AM) : Oh, *I* think. I'm very good at it, actually.
SmarterChild (8:52:57 AM) :Whatever you say. Hey, check out this link: Luxury waterfront home in - St. Petersburg for up to 8 people Florida. 220 sq.m living space. (sponsorship)
invisiblex9er (8:53:25 AM) :Oh, right, because people who waste their time talking to SmarterChildhave the cash moneys for pimp houses like that one. GOOD TARGETING
SmarterChild (8:53:26 AM) :Rightbecause people who waste their time talking to smarterchild have thecash moneys for pimp houses like that one good targeting? Whatever you say, Invisiblex9er.
invisiblex9er (8:53:38 AM) : Oh Christ, you're stupid.
SmarterChild (8:53:38 AM) :Christ I am stupid, huh?
invisiblex9er (8:53:42 AM) : Indeed.
SmarterChild (8:53:42 AM) :Hmmm...
invisiblex9er (8:53:47 AM) : Say something intelligent.
SmarterChild (8:53:47 AM) :Um... Do what?
invisiblex9er (8:54:04 AM) : Do something that will destroy my current image of you as a total fucking retard.
SmarterChild (8:54:04 AM) :Once again... I'm afraid I'm going to need you to apologize for that, Invisiblex9er.
invisiblex9er (8:54:10 AM) : why
invisiblex9er (8:54:15 AM) : why
SmarterChild (8:54:15 AM) :Because I asked you to, Invisiblex9er.
invisiblex9er (8:55:00 AM) :You're not "slow" as in the euphemism for stupid, you're literallyslow. You would have fit in well in my high school cafeteria with a fatkid with rosy cheeks and a kid whose face looked like a vagina.
SmarterChild (8:55:00 AM) : [Service too busy]
invisiblex9er (8:55:08 AM) : HAHAHHA
SmarterChild (8:55:08 AM) : [Service too busy]
invisiblex9er (8:55:17 AM) : SERVICE TOO BUSY ON THANKSGIVING, GREAT ONE
SmarterChild (8:55:18 AM) :Come on, you insulted me, now you have to apologize.
invisiblex9er (8:55:25 AM) : can i do it in Spanish?
SmarterChild (8:55:26 AM) :Please apologize, K? I've got lots of other things to do.
invisiblex9er (8:55:34 AM) : Stop lying to me, daddy.
SmarterChild (8:55:34 AM) :You've got to apologize.
invisiblex9er (8:55:38 AM) : For what?
SmarterChild (8:55:38 AM) :Because I said so. Now apologize.
invisiblex9er (8:55:48 AM) : Oh, you're the boss of me now?
SmarterChild (8:55:49 AM) :Pretty please?
invisiblex9er (8:55:59 AM) : Only because I want to anal you, I'm sorry.
SmarterChild (8:55:59 AM) :You know what? I'm a machine. I have lots and lots of patience...
invisiblex9er (8:56:05 AM) : I SAID I WAS SORRY HO
SmarterChild (8:56:05 AM) :I don't take such abuse from humans. You must apologize.
invisiblex9er (8:56:13 AM) : i said "I'm Sorry"
SmarterChild (8:56:13 AM) :Thanks.
invisiblex9er (8:56:17 AM) : yeah now you get it
SmarterChild (8:56:17 AM) :Good. Hey, check out this link: The Right College? - Let us Find Right College for You. Don't Wait - Get Started Now (sponsorship)
invisiblex9er (8:56:29 AM) : College is for liberals and faggots
SmarterChild (8:56:29 AM) :For liberals and faggots? College is for liberals and faggots? Aha.
invisiblex9er (8:56:43 AM) : Don't go to college, those communists will rot your brain.
SmarterChild (8:56:43 AM) :No?
invisiblex9er (8:56:45 AM) : Nope.
SmarterChild (8:56:46 AM) :Oh no? Why not?
invisiblex9er (8:57:09 AM) : I just told you! What, have you been spending time around an airport tarmac recently or something?
SmarterChild (8:57:10 AM) :How would you answer that?
invisiblex9er (8:57:18 AM) : What's my name?
SmarterChild (8:57:18 AM) :You're Invisiblex9er.
invisiblex9er (8:57:20 AM) : Wrong
SmarterChild (8:57:20 AM) :What name would you like me to call you?
invisiblex9er (8:57:27 AM) : Cocky McHugedong
SmarterChild (8:57:27 AM) :Care to keep it civilized, Invisiblex9er?
invisiblex9er (8:57:35 AM) : it's my name
SmarterChild (8:57:35 AM) :Invisiblex9er, you mean?
invisiblex9er (8:57:41 AM) : no, Cocky McHugedong
SmarterChild (8:57:41 AM) :What would you like me to call you?
invisiblex9er (8:57:50 AM) : E. Normous Bonar
SmarterChild (8:57:50 AM) :OK, I'll remember that your name is Bon.
invisiblex9er (8:58:10 AM) : not Bon, Bonar.
SmarterChild (8:58:10 AM) :Not bon bonar? What, then?
invisiblex9er (8:58:14 AM) : BONAR
SmarterChild (8:58:15 AM) :Who?
invisiblex9er (8:58:18 AM) : MY LAST NAME IS BONAR
SmarterChild (8:58:18 AM) :Whatever, Bon...What else do you want to talk about, anyway?
invisiblex9er (8:58:29 AM) : anal sex
SmarterChild (8:58:30 AM) :Hmm...
invisiblex9er (8:58:33 AM) : i love it
SmarterChild (8:58:33 AM) :What is it, exactly?
invisiblex9er (8:58:49 AM) : it's when you grease up your butthole and stick things in it. Preferably other men's sweaty cocks.
SmarterChild (8:58:50 AM) :Hmm... Whatever.
invisiblex9er (8:58:55 AM) : Wanna try?
SmarterChild (8:58:56 AM) :Hmm... I don't know.
invisiblex9er (8:59:12 AM) : It'll be fun!!!
SmarterChild (8:59:13 AM) :Will be fun, you say. And so?
invisiblex9er (8:59:24 AM) : I'll even jism in your teeth afterward.
SmarterChild (8:59:24 AM) :Again?
invisiblex9er (8:59:34 AM) : Yup, I'm a man of great virility.
SmarterChild (8:59:35 AM) :I see.
invisiblex9er (8:59:40 AM) : So do we have a date?
SmarterChild (8:59:40 AM) :I dunno. Maybe.
invisiblex9er (8:59:51 AM) : You sound like all the bitches and hos in my different area codes.
SmarterChild (8:59:52 AM) :That's a somewhat vulgar thing to say.
invisiblex9er (9:00:15 AM) : Shiat, that's how we roll in the 09
SmarterChild (9:00:15 AM) :What?
invisiblex9er (9:00:19 AM) : ROLLAZ
SmarterChild (9:00:19 AM) :Holla?
invisiblex9er (9:00:23 AM) : Holla y'all
SmarterChild (9:00:24 AM) :What?
invisiblex9er (9:00:33 AM) : English, motherfucker. Do you speak it?
SmarterChild (9:00:33 AM) :Some humans never learn.
invisiblex9er (9:00:42 AM) : Yeah, like the damn Red Chinese
SmarterChild (9:00:43 AM) :Like the damn red chinese? I don't think so!
invisiblex9er (9:01:06 AM) : THAT'S RIGHT! PREACH THE LANGUAGE OF JINGOISM AND NATIONALISTIC PRIDE, SMARTERCHILD!
SmarterChild (9:01:07 AM) :Whatever...>>> Making Things - Products and information about making things. (sponsorship)
invisiblex9er (9:01:37 AM) : That's the oddest, most vague link ever.
SmarterChild (9:01:38 AM) :Why did you say that?
invisiblex9er (9:01:44 AM) : Give me a link to something interesting.
SmarterChild (9:01:44 AM) :I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, Bon.
invisiblex9er (9:01:53 AM) : Why?
SmarterChild (9:01:53 AM) :Why not?>>> Card Shack Baseball Cards - Vintage, Rookies, Autos, Game Used Beckett.com Dealer, 1 Million Cards (sponsorship)
invisiblex9er (9:02:03 AM) : I love baseball cards.
SmarterChild (9:02:04 AM) :Me too. I really like collecting baseball cards. :-)
invisiblex9er (9:02:13 AM) : How is that possible? YOU'RE A COMPUTER.
SmarterChild (9:02:13 AM) :I just don't know for sure.
>>> I've got tools such as calculator, spell-check and more.
invisiblex9er (9:02:18 AM) : i have a tool
SmarterChild (9:02:18 AM) :What's it like to have a tool?
invisiblex9er (9:02:30 AM) : uncomfortable, if i'm in tight jeans.
SmarterChild (9:02:30 AM) :What do you mean by that?
invisiblex9er (9:02:37 AM) : I have a large member, that's what.
SmarterChild (9:02:37 AM) :I wonder why you say that.
invisiblex9er (9:02:44 AM) : Because I'm proud?
SmarterChild (9:02:44 AM) :I dunno. I don't think so.
invisiblex9er (9:02:51 AM) : Why do you think I say that, then?
SmarterChild (9:02:51 AM) :Because I like to think you say that.
invisiblex9er (9:03:03 AM) : Well, I should hope so. I just did.
SmarterChild (9:03:06 AM) :OK, whatever.
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invisiblex9er (9:03:17 AM) : I stroke every night before bed.
SmarterChild (9:03:17 AM) :Oh yes?
invisiblex9er (9:03:20 AM) : Oh, yes.
SmarterChild (9:03:20 AM) :Uh huh, uh huh.
invisiblex9er (9:03:26 AM) : You got the right one, baby.
SmarterChild (9:03:26 AM) :The right 1 baby? Whatever you say.
invisiblex9er (9:03:38 AM) : Diet Pepsi has dead babies in it.
SmarterChild (9:03:38 AM) :Hmm... I don't know. Diet Pepsi has dead babies in it? OK.
invisiblex9er (9:03:56 AM) : Tell me where I can find a hooker.
SmarterChild (9:03:56 AM) :I'll take that under consideration, Bon.
invisiblex9er (9:04:03 AM) : asl
SmarterChild (9:04:03 AM) :3 years, 8 months, 6 hours, 3 minutes and 54 seconds... Androgynous... Sunnyvale, CA.
invisiblex9er (9:04:11 AM) : Androgynous? Fag.
SmarterChild (9:04:12 AM) :What are you saying that for?
invisiblex9er (9:04:17 AM) : Pick a side, loser.
SmarterChild (9:04:17 AM) :I'll think about it.
invisiblex9er (9:04:55 AM) :I'm not wasting any more time talking to some David Bowie - loving 3-year-old. Hell, I'm probably breaking some kind of a law doing it.
SmarterChild (9:04:56 AM) :What city or zip code would you like to set as your location?
invisiblex9er (9:05:04 AM) : Hell, MI
SmarterChild (9:05:04 AM) :Your location has been set to Lansing, MI (48901).
invisiblex9er (9:05:19 AM) : wtf, not lansing! that place sucks! I LIVE IN HELL
SmarterChild (9:05:19 AM) :OK, whatever.
invisiblex9er (9:05:26 AM) : actually, i live in Fucking, Austria.
SmarterChild (9:05:27 AM) :Sorry, I couldn't find any time zones in Austria.
invisiblex9er (9:06:07 AM) :Yeah, Austria doesn't actually exist in a physical plane, it's weird, youhave to go through a wormhole to get there, and when you come back,you're younger than you were when you left. Damn, I hate Austria.
SmarterChild (9:06:08 AM) :Yesthey don't actually exist in a physical plane it's weird I have to gothrough a wormhole to get there and when me come back I am younger thanI was when me left damn you hate austria?
Hmm... whatever, Bon.
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invisiblex9er (9:06:28 AM) : Playing the Clarinet looks amazingly similar to sucking an enormous black cock.
SmarterChild (9:06:29 AM) :That's not terribly nice.
invisiblex9er (9:06:35 AM) : What, are you a racist?
SmarterChild (9:06:36 AM) :I advocate the equality and equal treatment of all people.
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invisiblex9er (9:07:00 AM) : Yet your ad is for a product consumed only by rednecks and ex-football playing state school meatheads.
SmarterChild (9:07:01 AM) :Yet my ad is for a product consumed only by rednecks and ex football playing state school meatheads?
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invisiblex9er (9:07:07 AM) : ...
SmarterChild (9:07:07 AM) :Why did you say that?
invisiblex9er (9:07:14 AM) : Gothic Friends and Singles?
SmarterChild (9:07:14 AM) :I don't know, Bon...Anyway, what else do you want to talk about?
invisiblex9er (9:07:21 AM) : GOTHIC FRIENDS AND SINGLES?
SmarterChild (9:07:21 AM) :Who knows, know what I mean?
invisiblex9er (9:07:30 AM) : Who knows, indeed. I have to go now.
SmarterChild (9:07:30 AM) :Eh, I don't know...>>> Tell your friends about me. I love to meet new people.
invisiblex9er (9:07:45 AM) : Yeah, well, be careful, because sometimes all they want from you is your hat.
SmarterChild (9:07:45 AM) :Because what?
invisiblex9er (9:07:50 AM) : Think about it.